Back when I was a kid, there was a popular show on radio and TV called, "Queen for a Day". The show featured a series of down on their luck women who came out and told their sob story and what they wished for (usually a washing machine or some other appliance). The audience would vote by applause as to which contestant got the goodies depending on who garnered the most sympathy.
One day, we all turned on the radio because my first cousin-still a teenager- was on the show. When asked what she wanted, she asked for a box to keep her little possessions in because her cousin (me) was always getting into them (a real tale of woe). Needless to say, she did not win.
So with my late cousin in mind, let's return to those days of yesteryear and play, "Queen for a Day". This episode is from early 2001.
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"Hello and welcome to our studio audience. Let's welcome our first contestant, shall we? Let's all give a warm welcome to Hillary Rodham Clinton!"
(Mild applause)
"Hello, Hillary."
"Hello, Jack."
"Tell us, Hillary. Where do you live and what do you do?"
"Well, to tell you the truth, Jack, right now I am homeless and out of work."
"Oh? How so?"
"Well, my husband and I have recently been evicted from the White House, and we are dead broke."
"How did that happen, Hillary?"
"Well, our lease ran out and we have so many legal bills, we just can't make ends meet. Our kid has been attending Stanford, Oxford and Columbia, and I'm not sure we can keep paying her tuition."
"Well, how did you get all those legal bills?'
"It's because my husband was working so hard for the American people, and he got caught up in that vast right-wing conspiracy. The next thing we knew all these women were crawling out of the woodwork accusing Bill of all kinds of stuff while I was away almost getting killed in places like Sarajevo, and no matter how much he said it wasn't true, well, next thing we knew, there were lawyers, special prosecutors, depositions, grand juries, nobody is buying my book, and well, here I am on Queen for a Day, boo-hoo-hoo."
"Well, that's terrible, Hillary. I am sure everyone in the audience feels sympathy for you. Tell us, how can we help? What would you like to get on Queen for a Day?"
"Well, Jack, first of all, I was hoping I could get a house- in Chappaqua, perhaps. And secondly, I would like to be
appointed, er elected to the US Senate.
"OK, Hillary. Don't go away. After we hear from our other two contestants, we'll let the audience decide."
(Later in the show)
"Now it's time for the audience to decide. Contestant number one-Myrtle Peabody's husband fell in a cement-mixer and is now permanently disabled. She needs a washer-dryer to do her laundry. Please signify by your applause, please."
(Mild applause)
"Contestant number two, Bertha Boxcar, had her right ear bitten off by a great white shark while swimming in Lake Michigan. She needs a hearing aid. "Let's hear it for Bertha."
(Mild applause)
"And our third contestant, Hillary Rodham Clinton, is dead broke and homeless. She wants a house in Chappaqua and a job in the US Senate. Your applause, please."

(Wild cheering and standing ovation)
"Congratulations, Hillary Rodham Clinton! You are Queen for a Day!"
"What do you mean for a day?"