Interview of Jack the Ripper by Piers Morgan

"Get a life, Fousesquawk."


Below is an interview of London mayoral candidate Jack the Ripper by CNN's Piers Morgan.

M: "Jack, in light of all the revelations about your private life, why are you still running for mayor?"

J: 'I'm running for mayor, Piers, because I want to fight for the middle class."

M: "So you absolutely, under no circumstance will drop out of the race?".

J: "That's right. I am in this race to win it. I know that the powers to be want me to drop out, but we are going to let the people decide."

M: "But when you first declared for mayor, you were number one in the polls for awhile, but since the latest body has turned up in Whitechapel, you have slid to 4th. How do we know that more bodies won't turn up? Can you assure us there are no more bodies?"

J: "Piers, I can't assure you of anything. There could be some bodies out there that have not turned up yet, but what does that have to do with my qualifications to be mayor of London? My private problems are personal."

M: "As you know, the English Defence League has called for you to drop out. What do you say to them?"

J: "I reply that I have the endorsement of Anjem Choudary and Sharia 4 UK, that's what I say."

..."and don't forget George Galloway."

M: "Let's move on to something else. If you become mayor, what will you do about London's Stop and Frisk law?"


J: "I will abolish it. It is a violation of my, er, everyone's civil rights."

"M: "What about gun control?"

J: " I don't like guns. Not messy enough. I would keep them illegal, but everybody should be permitted to carry a concealed knife."

M: "Last question: What about your wife, Jackie? Will she continue to campaign for you?"

J: "Of course. Jackie supports everything I do. She will make a great first lady for London. That's why Choudary supports me."

M: "Thank you, Jack."

J: "Thanks for having me on, Piers."