The Hillary Mini-Series-Who Will Co-Star With Diane Lane?

As previously reported, the run-up to the 2016 election will feature an NBC TV mini-series on the life and times of Hillary Clinton, who will  certainly be running for president. It will star some comely young actress named Diane Lane portraying the Great Woman herself.


Go figure.


As I recall, the series will feature Mrs Clinton in her early days, either as a young co-counsel in the impeachment hearings against Richard Nixon or as the First Lady of Arkansas. It will then follow her path to Greatness as the First Lady of the US, dealing with national crises such as the Paula Jones affair, the Monica Lewinsky affair, the mystery of Vince Foster, the mystery of Craig Livingstone, etc. to US Senator to presidential contender to secretary of state and then up to the present as she does great things while biding her time for her presidential run-like dealing with the current comparisons between her, Bill, and the Weiners.

Of course, one thing we can predict is that the series will be highly favorable to Mrs Clinton and portray her as the great problem solver-just the person this country needs to be president. Never mind that she accomplished nothing as senator and all but destroyed the State Department. Need I mention Benghazi? Then there are the numerous scandals involving her that show that she is a serial abuser of power.

But the real mystery is who will be Ms Lane's co-stars? May I venture a few predictions? (Forgive my literary license if some of my nominees are dead actors.) Since Hillary launched her public career in the Watergate impeachment hearings (where she probably learned a thing or two about how to avoid getting caught in future scandals of her own), let's start with  Richard Nixon.

"Brad Pitt?"

Given the obvious discrepancy between Lane's looks and Hillary's, I was tempted to go with him too, Dick. Eventually, however, I settled on Lon Chaney Jr.


"I am not a wolf."

There must be some touch of realism, you know.

How about the leading man? No, not Obama, but Bill.

How about Phillip Seymour Hoffman? He can play anybody, you know.



"That depends on what your definition of 'is' is."

Here is my nomination for Paula Jones: None other than Mammy Yokum.

Monica Lewinsky would be played by Angelina Jolie.

:

Craig Livingstone? Easy. James Gandolfini.



Al Gore? Let's see. For him, we need a real ham actor with a big mouth.

I got it!


Alec Baldwin

Of course, we need someone to play Barack Obama. I came up with 4 possibilities.

First, Denzel Washington. Naturally, we need someone who is dashing and daring.

Making the lonely decision to go after Bin Laden

Or we could go with that guy who played Idi Amin, Forest Whitaker. He might be more convincing.


Too fat? OK, how about Jimmy Walker?



No? Well, how about Phillip Seymour Hoffman? (He can play anybody.)

"We will get to the bottom of it, find out who is responsible, and make sure it never happens again."

Finally, we need to come up with a pair to play the latest figures in Hillary's life, Huma Abedin and her erstwhile husband, Anthony Weiner.

After much research through Central Casting, I can only come up with one person who could adequately portray the indomitable Weiner.



Little Oscar himself.

And finally, the most difficult part-Huma Abedin, Hillary's most trusted aide in the State Department, the one given away and married to Weiner by Bill Clinton himself. I just couldn't come up with anybody else, so it's the default choice-the one who can play anybody.






"It was I who chose to remain in this marriage."

Late-breaking update:

I have just been contacted by Angelina Jolie's agent, who informs me Angelina is not interested in the role of Monica Lewinsky. That creates a real problem, doesn't it? What do we do now? No bio of Hillary Clinton would be complete without Monica...........Ah, of course.


"He told me he was going to marry me, and I would be the first lady....."

But Fousesquawk, how in the Hell is Phillip Seymour Hoffman going to play Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky at the same time-if you get my drift, you idiot?

Don't worry. This is Hollywood. If they can do things like Jurassic Park, ET, Mission Impossible, and Jackie Chan, they'll figure out a way.