"Using our scientifically-proven method, you learn your new language effortlessly-like a child does."
The only problem is you don't have the brain of a child-if you have reached puberty and beyond.
"Uhhh.....yeaaaah.
Another problem is that some people have a greater aptitude for language than others, just as some have a greater aptitude for math than others. Yet, these companies plug along even telling you that all the government agencies like the State Department and Department of Defense use their products. Well, they weren't using them in 1974 when I studied Thai at the Foreign Service Institute in Rosslyn, Virginia or Italian at the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, California in 1982.
Anyway, somebody sent me a Pimsleur ad yesterday, and I actually spent the time to listen to their promo for 10 minutes. It went something like this:
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"If you have ever wanted to learn a foreign language but thought you didn't have the time to take those expensive classes or spend a year in a foreign country, now you can learn a new language in 30 days. Guaranteed!
That's because our Pimsleur method, developed by a world renowned language expert, will teach you your new language according to a proven, scientific method. Years ago, Dr Pimsleur discovered that people learn by repeating everyday phrases. So he developed this program that eliminates tedious grammar and vocabulary studies. Here's how it works. You spend only thirty minutes a day listening to 4 CDs in your car, office, bicycle or whatever as you go about your daily business. You'll hear phrases in the language that natives use every day and you repeat them. In 30 days, you'll be speaking your new language effortlessly with no accent. You will be able to order in restaurants. You'll be able to carry on conversations with Vinnie and Sluggo. Your friends will be amazed.
Amazing!
Now I am going to demonstrate how you can learn a new language just as a child does. In this case, we will examine our course in Brooklynese. You will repeat the following phrases you hear from a native Brooklynese-speaker.
1 "Yo, how-ya dooin?"
(Hi! How are you?)
2 "Hey, Georgie! Gimme one-a-dose gizmos."
(Hey, George. Give me one of those things.)
3 " Hey Mac! Where's Foist Street?"
(Excuse me, Sir. Where is First Street?)
4 "Whaddaya mean youse don't wanna join da union?"
(What do you mean you don't want to join the union?)
5 "Fahgeddaboutit."
(Forget about it.)
See how easy it is? You don't have to waste time and money going to classes, nor do you have to take time off from your job and family to live in Brooklyn for a year.
So what are you waiting for? For a limited time only, we are offering our product, worth hundreds of dollars for a reduced price of 20 dollars.
But wait!
If you order within the next 24 hours, we will ship you our complete Brooklynese course for only 10 dollars-shipping included. If you are not completely satisfied and speaking Brooklynese within 30 days, we will refund your ten dollars-no questions asked.
So whaadayas waiting for? Call now."
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If you have 10 bucks burning a hole in your pocket, be my guest.
8 comments:
Heck Gary. I'll teach you Brooklynese for nothing. After sitting in a room with me for a week, you'll be speaking like a native of Brooklyn.
I already know how to speak Brooklynese. I rented a room from a retired construction worker and his wife 39 years ago. I still remember how he used to pronounce Ca nah zie. Got anything to sell me that I didn't already get for free?
Here's a quick lesson on how to speak Australian:
Jeet?
Nojew?
Translation:
Did you eat?
No, did you?
As a little aside, there are a lot of people in/from the "Irish Channel" in New Orleans who, considering they are in the "Deep South", at least in my view and experience, speak a lot like New Yorkers/Brooklynites/New Jersyites.
El,
Louisianans do have a distinct southern accent that sounds like a little latin accent thrown in.
The difference between a southern accent and a New England accent is how English was spoken in the early 17th century in East Anglia vs. southern Devon.
One thing New Orleans has in common with New York is Italian immigrants.
There's all kinds of cross-currents if you look a little.
P.S. to Siarlys--forgot to mention, we were apparently in NYC at the same time, sorry I don't remember you. from 1971-74 I lived in north Bergen County, office at Houston and Varick in Manhattan,worked all 5 boroughs, had a blast but it was time to move on. Most of the natives thought I talked funny when it was really them that did.
Joisy ain't Na Yark. But then, da Bronx, where my supervisor lived (he was fired), and Brooklyn, where I lived (it used to be the D line but now its the Q, D is somewhere else now) ain't the same either. It would have been fun if we'd crossed paths.
Findalis and I are going to give Gary some competition. We're going to open a school to teach Ebonics.
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