Greetings,
This is Madame Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State and the smartest woman in the world, here to lecture you about my favorite product, Rosetta Stone. Have you ever felt the need to learn a foreign language but didn't think you could? Then Rosetta Stone is for you. When I became Secretary of State (my consolation prize after I lost the presidential nomination), I realized that if I was going to travel around the world and lay down the law to recalcitrant leaders like Benjamin Netanyahu, I needed to read them the riot act in their own languages.
That's right.
That's why I use Rosetta Stone. Now I can learn a new language fluently in 30 days. (It may take 40 days for the rest of you.) With Rosetta Stone, it's like you have a native speaker in your own living room, listening meekly as you berate them and tell them how to run their country-in their own language! With Rosetta Stone, you learn the language just as a child does. That's because you are learning to speak with those native speakers as if they were children. It's easy. At least for the smartest woman in the world.
That's right.
Since I have become Secretary of State, I have learned not only Hebrew, but Spanish, which came in handy when I was in Argentina proclaiming that the Brits should negotiate with the Argentines over the Falklands, I mean Malvinas. I have also learned French, which came in handy in Canada, when I was lecturing the Canadians on who they should have invited to some dopey conference on the Arctic that I attended. Not only that, I also learned some African language I can't recall, which I used when I was dressing down that Congolese student for being so impertinent as to ask me what my erstwhile husband Bill thought about some subject other than his next piece of tail. In addition, my Rosetta Stone program in Russian was a lifesaver when I went over to Russia and gave the what for to the Russian foreign minister. Remember that 45 minute phone call I made to Netanyahu when I dressed him down over those settlements? That entire conversation was in Hebrew. Boy, was he ever impressed. He remarked that I was fluent. Maybe that's because I never stopped talking and wouldn't let him get a word in sideways.
That's right.
So if you are planning an overseas trip soon to tear down relations between some country and the US, do what I do. Order a Rosetta Stone program today.
But wait!
Order within the next 30 minutes, and we'll throw in a bonus offer absolutely free. We'll ship you a bonus CD with all the swear words in your chosen language. They come in particularly handy when you are trying to "communicate" your message. That's a great deal!
"That's a big f----- deal!"
Call now.
Gotta go now.
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