Random Shots in the Dark (21)

As they say this time of year, "Tis the season to be thankful" or something like that. And we have so much to be thankful for.

First of all, we have our glorious president with all the world's problems firmly under control as he fires one hole-in-one after another in Hawaii. Yes, we did have a near "man-caused disaster" over Detroit carried out by an "isolated extremist", but it failed because "the system worked".

Don't forget, now that "the system worked" flopped as a talking point, it is the "system that has been in place for several years now."

Translation: It's all Bush's fault, you see.

"The buck stops here."


Question of the day; how long do you think Janet Napolitano will last as Director of Homeland Security? If you said 4 years, you're probably correct. How safe does that make you feel? And that 6'5 guy you can't see over in the row in front of you on your next flight? You'd better check him out. It could be Osama bin Laden flying to Miami for a vacation.

"It's OK. I have my visa, ticket, and I'm not on the no-fly list. The system is working. Stewardess! Another drink, please."



But with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab safely in the hands of the federal court system with his court-appointed attorney and a probation officer interviewing him to see if he is a good candidate for bail and/or probation, the health of the nation is good.

Speaking of health, to hear the Democrats tell it, you'd think we are all going to live forever once they pass this 1,000 page monster called a health care bill which was drafted by a bunch of drunken senators and their staffs.

Yes, you heard that right. A bunch of drunken senators-behind closed doors, no less.

Which leads me to my next question; what will be the next explanation coming out of Max Baucus' office about that 99 bottles of beer on the wall speech he gave a few days ago on the Senate floor? First, they say it's a vicious smear by right-wing bloggers (Me?). I bet the next thing we hear is something about the Senator forgetting to take his prescription meds. Yes, the old Patrick Kennedy "I screwed up with my medication" line.

"Hey Louie! I think I forgot to take my heart medication."

"I can tell."


This guy Baucus is a one-man CSI Washington, isn't he? Tries to get his mistress appointed as US Attorney in Montana, pays her big government bucks, takes her on official trips, then shows up on the Senate floor doing a Dean Martin imitation while talking in circles about the health care debate. And this is one of the principle architects of the bill??!!?

"Yee gads!!"



"Damn Republicans won't drink with me."


Have you heard about Charlie Sheen? He's the "star" on that dopey TV sit-com called "Two and a half men" or something like that. He's apparently the half. Anyway, one-man crime wave Charlie is now charged with assaulting his wife. She says he put a knife to her throat. I say, why did you hook up with a mope like Charlie Sheen? Did you think that you could reform him? Charlie Sheen. No wonder Michael Jordan avoids him like the plague in those commercials.


Exclusive Fousesquawk booking photos

"OK, Charlie face to your left."























As I write, that other famous mope, George Galloway, is trekking all over the Middle East trying to get his latest Viva Palestina convoy into Gaza. Guess who won't let him pass? If you said Israel, you lose! It's Egypt that won't let him pass into Gaza.

There goes George now. (He's the one in the center.)

Of course his spin doctors insist that Egypt is just doing the bidding of Zionist Israel and the US. Right. Now they're trying to get in through Syria. By the way, if you think we got it bad in the US with guys like Harry Reid, Max Baucus and a thousand others I won't name, this guy Galloway is a member of the British Parliament. (Course, he's never around.)

"God save us all. Where is Charles?"

"He's playing polo with George Galloway, Your Highness."


Question: What does George Galloway have in common with Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab?

Answer: They both have US multiple entry visas. (Actually, Georgie is a Brit, so he doesn't need a visa, so who knows when we will see his fat behind on US soil again.)

Finally, is there a bigger hypocrite in the world than David Letterman? First of all, this jerk has never succeeded in getting me to even break a smile with his lame humor.


More importantly, how can this guy make sexual cracks about Sarah Palin, her 14-year-old daughter and Tiger Woods when he gets embroiled in his own super-messy sexual scandal?

And on that unfunny note, I shall close.