Thinking of going to San Francisco for your next vacation? Or perhaps, Marin County? I have a better suggestion.
Why not Oakland?
Seriously. Why would you want to get caught in the rush of tourists flocking to those bed and breakfast joints in Marin County when you can stay at a real live crack house in Oakland? Instead of bed and breakfast, you get a mattress and a rock. Instead of the wine country, experience the winos of Oakland.
It's all happening in Oakland. Maybe you are one of those low-information voters who don't follow the news, but Oakland is the king of the Occupy movement. In fact, it is the Occupy Oktoberfest.
"Who needs beer when you are on a natural high?"
Even the cops join in the merriment.
During Occupy Week, the streets are closed off for block parties.
But Oakland has other attractions too. If you like sports, what better place to spend a few hours than at King Ludwig's Stadium also known as the Oakland Coliseum? This is where the baseball A's and football Raiders play-sometimes at the same time.
I forget who it was that said that this is what happens when you give a madman too many Lego blocks.
I hear that in the new version of the Rorschach test, they give the patient a picture of the Oakland Coliseum and ask him what he sees.
And during football season, you can make all sorts of new friends at the stadium.
And Oakland is safe too (as long as you have the above guys with you). The long-ago days when Run-Down Jerry Brown was mayor, and Oakland was the murder capital of the country are but a distant memory now. With Brown out of town, nobody gets mad enough to want to kill someone.
So how to get there? Well, that's a good question. I guess you could wait 20 years, take the new high-speed rail (when it's finished) from Bakersfield to Modesto, then rent a car. Or if you want to get there a little faster, you can always fly into Huey Newton Memorial Airport. There are direct flights from LAX, Orange County, and San Francisco. If you exit at Symbionese Liberation Avenue, you are in the heart of the city.
Keep in mind you may run into a little traffic as you enter downtown Oakland. After all, it is such a popular tourist destination.
And fine dining? Just a hop, skip and a jump away across the Bay Bridge into San Francisco.
Finally, Oakland is now the home of Janet Napolitano because she is the University of California president, and UC's hqs is in Oakland. Don't ask me for the address because it is a well-guarded secret.
So what are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and call your travel agent now. Book fast because flights to Oakland are......
"Welcome to flight 234 to Oakland. Please fasten your seat belt for take-off."
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