Biden and Obama Do Lunch (Again)

Noon at the White House. Joe Biden and the president are in the Oval Office watching Harry Reid in Congress droning on about how he hopes Assad isn't kidding about turning over those weapons.

JB. Hey, Mr. President. This is boring. How about we get something to eat?

BO. Sounds good. I don't think that vote's gonna go well anyway. How about that burger joint you took me to a couple of years ago?

JB. Oh, that  joint just closed down. The owner said he couldn't afford all that health care for all his workers.

BO. Is that right?

JB. Yeah, but I got a joint in Delaware I've known since I was a kid. Best burgers in the state.

BO. You sure?

JB. Trust me. I flipped burgers there when I was in high school. To this day, it's the best job I ever had.

BO. OK. Call for Air Force One. Hey, Jay! If the press asks, I'm consulting with Putin. Or better yet, he's consulting with me. Should we invite Hillary?

JB. Is she here?

BO  Yeah, she showed up to make some statement about Syria. Has to keep getting in her face time before 2016.

JB  Yeah, well I wanted to talk to you about that. Why don't just you and I go?

BO OK, Joe. Whatever you say. One thing though. I wanna go incognito. That way I don't get a lotta questions.

JB  Good idea. Here. Put on this Cub hat. Nobody'll recognize ya.

En route to Delaware

BO. What's that you're reading, Joe?

JB. History, Mr President. About Hitler. You know with Assad and all that, you know what they say," If you forget the past, you're doomed to repeat the future."

BO. What's the name of the book?

JB. "I was Hitler's Toothbrush".

JB  The writer says if Hitler had brushed his teeth more often, he might have won the war.

"And that's a big fu----' deal."


At the burger joint


BO Where is everybody?

JB. I don't know. When I worked here, we had over 50 burger flippers.  I remember one day, a lot of guys went on vacation, and I had to make over 200 burgers in one hour. To this day, it's the greatest thing I ever did in my life.

The manager walks up.

Manager. Hey, Joe! How ya doin?

JB. Good.  Where's all da woikas?

M. Had to lay most of 'em off.  Can't afford to pay for all their health care. Who's yer friend?

JB. Oh, uh, dis is Barry.

M. Nice to meet ya, Barry. Cub fan, eh? Well, enjoy your burgers. I gotta get back to work.

JB  You know, Boss, I wanted to talk to you about that 2016 race. You know I'm thinking about running.

BO  Yeah, but what about Hillary?

JB (voice rising)  Hillary? What about her? After that screw up in Benghazi, she ain't fit to run anything let alone the country, darn it.

BO  Watch it, Joe. I told you we don't talk about Benghazi.

JB  Sorry, Boss.

BO  Listen Joe, don't worry about a thing. You know, when it gets to be nut crunchin' time,  I'll have your back.

JB I knew I could count on you, Mr President.

BO. Hey Joe. Look in the kitchen. You see that cook? The fat guy with the sleeveless undershirt.

JB. What about him?

BO. What about him? He's packing the burger patties in his armpits. That's what about him.

JB  Hey, that's nothin'. You outta see how he makes the donuts.



"This is Air Force One to Base. Notify Bethesda we are en route with Silver Tongue. ETA 10 minutes, over."