Fousesquawk Travel Destinations-Belgium

"E Pluribus Nix"

Yes, Belgium, that charming land in Europe primarily noted for waffles, strong beer, and the continent's worst drivers (not counting the Somalis and Moroccans). Or as the Germans call it, Gateway to France. (The English call it Flanders Fields.)

The capital of Belgium, for all you UC Santa Cruz Community Studies and History of Consciousness majors, is Brussels, which is also the hqs of NATO and the EU. It is here that the great decisions of the day are made, such as how to invade Libya and the size of European beer glasses. If you arrive by train, you can eliminate the hazard of being driven off the road by Belgian, Somali, or Moroccan drivers. On the other hand, if you drive, you can avoid the hazard of being mobbed by Somalis and Moroccans at the train station. If you fly in, you can motor into town in any one of the taxis being driven by Somalis or Moroccans.

Belgium is divided into two parts, the French-speaking part inhabited by Walloons and the Flemish (Dutch) speaking part inhabited by Balloons. Naturally, they hate each other, but not as much as they hate the Somalis and Moroccans. It is one big happy place.

There are two religions in Belgium as in most other European countries. The first is atheism and the second is Islam, which is gradually becoming a majority.

If you are planning a day trip out of Brussels, I recommend the Ardennes Forest, where you can hike for hours following the German tank tracks and see where the Battle of the Bulge took place. I recommend going in the winter so as to recreate the actual atmosphere. Hours of fun.

Of course, no trip to Belgium is complete without tasting the Belgian brew. Produced by drunken Trappist monks with nothing else to do, Belgian beer ranges from 7-15% alcohol content (by my estimations). If you find it not to your taste, just reseal the bottle and take it home to your wife. Tell her it's French perfume. She won't know the difference. Or you can put it over your waffles. (Stella Artois, Belgium's weakest beer, is exported to the US.)

Duvel perfume

Here's a fun fact: Did you know that the Empress Carlota (wife of Emperor Maximillian of Mexico) was Belgian? That's right. After Maxie was executed by the Mexicans, Carlota made her way back to Europe, drifted into madness and died in Belgium in 1927.

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlota_of_Mexico




It should also be noted that Belgium's most famous citizen is none other than Herman van Rompuy, current president of the European Council.


                                                                                                           



And what is the European Council, you ask?

You don't wanna know.

Herman is Europe's answer to our own Harry Reid.

                 
                                                                                               
  Now you understand why Nigel Farage, British member of the European Parliament, refers to Belgium as
" a non-country".

If you happen to go this year, come on over to Germany, where I'll be. The best route is to come through the Ardennes Forest. Just beware of on-coming Panzers.