Paula Deen's New Recipe!!!

Hi y'all. This is Paula, and today I'm gonna show y'all how to make my special recipe for braised pork loin a'la Paula.

First thing ya gotta do is make sure the pork ya buy is pure, Californian-grown pork-the best.
The choicest pork in the world is raised right there in Sacramento. Don't accept less.

After ya cut out the loin, it's time to fire up the old fryin' pan. Throw in about a pound of lard and mix it with mayonnaise. I just loooove me some mayonnaise. While the pan's heatin' up, you take that slab of pork loin and take a knife and carefully cut out the fat. This is very important, y'all. Lay the fat on the counter and sprinkle raisins and apple bits over it. Then drop it all in the fryin' pan.

After about five minutes, it's time to put the loin in the frying pan. While it's cookin, get ya some good old buttery biscuits, add another layer of butter plus a teaspoon of mayonnaise. Then throw in the oven. Then ya gotta get that gravy started. Fire up another fryin' pan, pour in a pound of lard, a pound of butter, a jar of mayonnaise (I just looove me some mayonnaise) a pound of bacon grease, and a cup of water.

While all that's goin' on, you need to prepare the braise. Take a mixer, throw in three eggs, a pound of strawberry jelly, whole milk, two cups of mayonnaise ( I just looove me some mayonnaise.), a pound of lard, sugar, red peppers, and  two tablespoons of Dijon mustard. Umm ummm. Put all that in the mixer for about 5 minutes.

Now you can fire up another fryin' pan and get yer collard greens and chitlens goin'.........
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"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special report. Police are responding to a location on the south side of town where a house has been destroyed by an explosion. Derrick is at the site. What do you have Derrick?"



"George, this house behind me has been totally destroyed by an explosion. We don't know the cause yet, but the fire chief says it looks like all the earmarks of a meth lab operation, which involves a lot of volatile materials. The lone occupant, a woman identified as Paula Deen, is now being questioned by police, the fire department, and the Food and Drug Administration ."