Chain Letters From David Axelrod in the White House Boiler Room

White House boiler room



David Axelrod
Looking a little pasty there, David. Better come up for some fresh air.



You've heard the stories about guys who download porn on their office computers, haven't you? Or who send chain letters? How about those annoying friends of yours who send you the latest jokes in their e-mails? Well, meet David Axelrod, a man who has too much time on his hands at the White House. Now Axelrod is reduced to writing chain letters from the White House boiler room. To me!!

Here is an e-mail I received this morning from Mr Axelrod, I mean David.


"Dear Friend,

This is probably one of the longest emails I’ve ever sent, but it could be the most important.

Across the country we are seeing vigorous debate about health insurance reform. Unfortunately, some of the old tactics we know so well are back — even the viral emails that fly unchecked and under the radar, spreading all sorts of lies and distortions.

As President Obama said at the town hall in New Hampshire, “where we do disagree, let's disagree over things that are real, not these wild misrepresentations that bear no resemblance to anything that's actually been proposed.”

So let’s start a chain email of our own. At the end of my email, you’ll find a lot of information about health insurance reform, distilled into 8 ways reform provides security and stability to those with or without coverage, 8 common myths about reform and 8 reasons we need health insurance reform now.

Right now, someone you know probably has a question about reform that could be answered by what’s below. So what are you waiting for? Forward this email."

Thanks,
David

David Axelrod
Senior Adviser to the President


What's next? Am I going to get an e-mail tomorrow from Tim Geithner promising to get me in on an unclaimed account at Treasury in the amount of $450 million? Or maybe, the White House will send me an e-mail telling me I have won the UK lottery-even though I never bought a ticket.

At any rate, in the spirit of never breaking a chain letter, I forwarded the message-back to the White House sender's address (info@messages.whitehouse.gov>).

"I am forwarding this chain e-mail. Check it out."

What I won't do is publish all of Axelrod's talking points in favor of government health care. They can do their own work on that one.

But just to show there's no hard feelings, I would like to offer Mr Axelrod, I mean David, a tip for a new chain letter e-mail. It goes something like this:

Dear friend,

Please read this letter and don't throw it away. If you pass on this chain letter to ten friends, good things will happen to you. Take Myrtle Snodgrass, for example. She got this letter and passed it on to ten of her friends. Within a few days, she got a million dollar bailout from the government, a new car, plus free health care insurance for the rest of her life. She lived happily ever after.

Gary Fouse, on the other hand, threw the letter away. Within a week, his employers at UC-Irvine fired him, all his money was confiscated by the government in the form of taxes, and he found himself without health insurance-and had to pay a fine for not having health insurance. His life quickly spiraled out of control. His blog was shut down by the government on the grounds that it wasn't "fair" under the guidelines of the Fairness Doctrine. Finally, when he went to the hospital with a broken finger, he was told he was too old for treatment because at his age, it was not "cost-effective" to treat him. To add insult to injury, his favorite baseball team, the Cubs, blew another pennant. Now, he just sits around waiting for the government to tell him when to die and go to Hell.

"Here we go, Cubbies, here we go!"
(I digress.)

So don't wind up like Gary Fouse. Send this letter to ten of your friends. You will be rewarded.

How's that Mr Axelrod, I mean David? It's a hell of a lot better than what you're putting out from that White House boiler room.

Time to come up for some fresh air, get out, and meet the folks. Hey! Why not have a town hall meeting? I'll come.