Celebrity Endorsements-Keith Olbermann for Johnson & Johnson

"Good night and good luck-Oh,...wrong line.

Hi, I'm Keith Olbermann, and I'm here to talk to you about Geor...., I mean the good folks at Johnson & Johnson. When you're a news commentator always on the go like me, you need to make sure you are always at the top of your game. That's why I rely on Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceuticals. They have something for my every need.

Take for example when I go on the air every night. Just before the show begins, I take this little white pill here to make sure I don't have a heart attack during air time. And boy, every time I mention the name George Bush, I can feel the big one coming on.

Then, I take this red one here to combat fatigue cause virtually every night, I can feel myself getting "bushed"-if you know what I mean.

I also drink a glass of this purple liquid here for memory loss because I always seem to forget that George Bush isn't president any more.

And don't forget anger management medicine. Just before air time, I pop this big green pill here so's I don't wind up on top of the NBC Studio building with a high-powered rifle, or sometimes, just throwing papers around the set or breaking windows.

Johnson & Johnson also makes a great anti-delusional pill, like this brown capsule here, which I take every time I start thinking George Bush is going to be indicted for war crimes.

A great commentator (like me) also needs to be clearly focused-so he can make a clear decision-like who's gonna be the Worst Person in the World. Johnson & Johnson also has the answer for that as well-that's this little round yellow pill right here, see?

I also recommend Johnson & Johnson to my friends. For example, I got Chris Matthews to start taking these little blue pills for his restless leg syndrome, which he gets every time he sees Barack Obama. He also takes these orange thingies to treat nausea, like when he sees Bobby Jindal.

In fact, all my friends at MSNBC are big customers of Johnson & Johnson.

Well, I gotta go now. Show time is in 5 minutes. That means It's time to take my clear-thinking pill so I can decide who will be the Worst Person in the World.

Gulp.

There, that's better. Now let's see........hmmmm.....

I got it! Bill O'Reilly!!"