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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A Ted Kennedy Tribute to Barney Frank




Hi! Do you remembah me? I'm Senatah Ted Kennedy. I guess that's ex-Senatah Ted Kennedy.

Cause I'm dead.

No mattah. I just heahd the news that my old pal and fellow Massachusettsan Bahney Frank is "pulling the plug" and retiring from politics. Therefah, I have decided to temporarily come out of my own "retirement' and say a few wohds. I will try to be brief.

Cause, after all, I'm dead.

Now, contrary to populah belief, Bahney and I didn't agree on everything. Me-I liked the babes. Bahney, on the other hand.......

Another difference was that I was known as being pretty bad behind the wheel. Bahney didn't drive much, but his specialty was fixing pahking tickets when his pahtner at the time was running a gay bohdello in the Washington townhouse they shahed. That resulted in a whole lotta pahking tickets while Bahney was up at Capital Hill. No problem, however. They all were taken care of by Bahney.   I could have used him at Chappaquidick. On second thought, I made out OK as it was. As I recall (I don't recall much), all I got was a pahking ticket too.

Priah to that, Bahney's previous pahtner was a guy named Herb Moses. He was also running Fannie Mae's mortgage prograhm while Bahney was sitting on one of those banking committees. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. Of course, those hate-filled Republicans tried to call it a conflict of interest or some ahther red herring.

The last thing I heahd was that Bahney was up in Maine at his latest pahtner's cabin when the cops hit the place and found marijuana plants out back. That was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Anyway, Bahney's greatest legacy will be whipping those evil banking and lending institutions into line and fahcing them to extend mohtgages to the pooah folks who couldn't affahd to pay them. The results were certainly historic. Of course, Bahney didn't forget his friends in the Stimulus deal, like Maxine Wahters' husband, who was connected to a bank in Massachusetts. He also stood up for Fannie Mae at a time they needed it most-when they were going undah. Bahney told the public that Fannie Mae was sound. Kept 'em afloat a while longah.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell Bahney that I wish him the best in his futah endeavahs. Bahney, I'm holding a spot for you right heah next to me at Ahlington Cemetery. Well, let's say two spots down.

So that's it, folks. I can't stay too long, you know. After all, I'm dead.

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