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Friday, February 8, 2019

Fousesquawk Celebrity Endorsements: Elizabeth Warren for Ancestry.com




Hi! I'm Elizabeth Warren for Ancestry.com. You know, I spent my whole life thinking I was a Cherokee Indian-just like Cher. I would look in the mirror for hours just staring at my high cheekbones. I couldn't wait to go out in the park and play Cowboys and Indians with the kids and shoot down all those cowboys. Hours of fun. My favorite songs growing up were "Cherokee Nation" and "Running Bear". My nickname in high school was "Little White Dove".

Later when I got older and started thinking about a career, I would always put down "Native American" on the application forms. You talk about opening doors! Harvard still brags about me adding to their faculty diversity. Imagine, a real Cherokee squaw teaching at Harvard.

Then I took the spit test at Ancestry.com.

Imagine my surprise when the results came back and said that I was 1023/1024 English. I even found out I'm a direct descendant of Miles Standish.  Good grief! What will they say about that back on the reservation?

And what about my cultural identity? What was I supposed to do, start eating boiled steaks and shepherd's pie? And talk about the timing. Just as I find out I'm really English, that whole country is disappearing before our very eyes.

And what about my resume? Do I have to re-do it now and take all that Native American stuff out? I mean who's gonna hire me or vote for a woman who's 1023/1024 English? They'll look at me and think of Teresa May or George Galloway. Maybe I can just write down 1/2024 Native American. No, I don't think so. Not even Harvard would fall for that. Maybe being English I can put myself down as an endangered species....except nobody gives a rip.

Maybe I better look deeper into that Brexit business. You know, instead of the English getting out of the EU, I can get out of being English.

But how? I've already tried.






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