Saturday, July 23, 2016

Nixon and Ted Tennedy Discuss the Upcoming Election


Hey Ted. It's me, Dick.

Dick! To what do I owe this call?

I just finished watching the convention in Cleveland, and I was wondering who you're gonna vote for (Heh heh. need I ask).

Well, what a coincidence. I just bought me an "I like Donald" button.


That's right. I'm all in for the Donald.

Why in the world are you voting for Trump?

One word, Dickie boy. Chicks. Have you see the eye candy Trump surrounds himself with? How about that Ivanka?  I'll bet she'd like to go on a moonlight spin with the Tedster in his Olds 88.

Hell, I figured you'd be voting for Hillary.

Nah. Have you seen those tree trunk legs? Why do you think she wears those God-awful pant suits all the time. I'd hate to run my 88 into one of those legs one dark night after a few highballs. Say, how about you? No doubt we're on the same side for once.

Sorry, Teddie. Hillary's my gal.


That's right. Face it. She's me.

But aren't you forgetting she worked on that Watergate committee?

Sure. I taught her everything she knows.

But all your fellow Republicans are saying she' ll be Obama's third term.

I prefer to think she will be Nixon's unfinished term. Think of it, Teddie. I had an 18-minute gap. She has a 4-year gap. I had J Edgar Hoover with his secret files hanging over my head and all predecessors' heads. She's got James Edgar Comey sticking her file back in his desk drawer. I'm telling you; happy days are here again. In fact, I'll be her  closest adviser.

Yeah and I suppose she's gonna fly out to Yorba Linda every time she needs advice, right?

No. All she's gotta do is walk the halls of the White House at three o'clock in the morning when that phone rings and talk to my portrait. I'l,l always be there for her.

Gee, Dick. I was thinking we were gonna be on the campaign trail together.

Cheer up, Ted. We can do a series of debates. I mean who wants to watch a debate between Tim Kaine and Mike Pence, be jeezus?

You're right there, Dickie boy. Look, I gotta go. Somebody's at the front door. I think it's that hottie next door.

OK. I'll see you in Wichita.