Sunday, February 7, 2016

James Clapper's Superbowl Lock

Hey there, football fans. This is James Clapper, President Obama's chief of national intelligence here to give you my Superbowl prediction. Better pay attention because this will be the last chance I get to give you my forecast. Next year, I'll be out of a job. Come to think of it, this may be our last Super Bowl. And I'm not talking about those head injuries (heh, heh).

Today's match up features the Denver Donkeys vs the Carolina Pansies. Aside from the question over who will win, everyone is wondering....will this be Kobe Bryant's last game?

My ace team of intelligence sources has been working hard to find out how many ISIS fighters have infiltrated the two teams. So far, we have identified only one player from ISIS who will be starting at defensive end for the Donkies. It could be a long day for Cam Newton.

Aside from the great Progressive commercials with Flo, there also promises to be a great half-time show featuring the Taliban executing ten prisoners, hopefully, including Flo.  And don't tune in late lest you miss the ceremonial coin flip. I say ceremonial because Hillary Clinton is sure to win it. Pre-game introductions? If it turns out anything like last night's Republican debate in New Hampshire, it will be on all the highlight reels.


Image result for republican debate screws up introductions

But you wanna know who is going to win, right? The way I figure it, this is too close to call, so here is my prediction as to the final score:

Denver 1
Carolina 1

Oh yes. Kobe will score 30 points.


Squid said...


You forgot to mention the North Korean ICBM missile fly-by over the stadium at the beginning of the Super Bowl!


Gary Fouse said...

Very good!

As always my half time prediction comes true. 500 kids come charging onto the field while somebody sings three songs and it all ends in smoke bombs all over the place.

Did you see Cam Newton's post game press conference. No class. I didn't care who won, but now I'm glad Denver did.