Friday, August 14, 2015

President Bernie Sanders' State of the Union

This was originally posted in Eagle Rising.

It is the year 2017. President Bernie Sanders is about to give his first State of the Union speech before Congress. As the sergeant at arms announces the President's arrival, Sanders begins his walk down the aisle as senators, congressmen and congresswomen as well as other assorted ass-kissers and sycophants greet him, slap him on the back, and tussle his already tussled white hair.

Finally, Sanders reaches the podium, where Speaker of the House John Boehner, a tear running down his cheek, announces, "It is my high honor and distinct pleasure to introduce the President of the United States". The president, his white hair still tussled, steps to the podium.
Image result for bernie sanders

But just as Sanders begins his speech, two women from the Black Lives Matter movement rush the podium and demand to be heard. Startled and with two tears running down his cheeks, Boehner intercedes and informs the two ladies that they are disrupting the State of the Union. They continue their demands to heard lest they shut the event down. Finally Boehner (with President Sanders standing bewildered off to the left) says that in order to be reasonable, they will allow the ladies to make their statement for two minutes.

This is followed by one of the ladies lecturing the Congress about racism for 4 minutes then announcing three minutes of silence in honor of Freddy Gray, Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown.

After the three minutes of silence, the ladies leave and President Sanders returns to the podium to begin his speech. Just as he begins, Vladimir Putin walks into the hall and up to the podium demanding to be heard. Sanders meekly stands away from the podium and Putin talks for ten minutes in Russian-nobody knowing what he is saying while waving several pages of paper in his hand. All that could be understood were the words, "Hillary" and "Emails" ( By now Boehner is completely in tears, blubbering like a baby.)

Putin then leaves and Sanders returns to the podium only to be interrupted by the Ayatollah Khamenei, who literally shoves Sanders away and begins a rambling discourse in Farsi. Pumping his fist, he ends by saying in English, "Death to America". On one side of the aisle, Democrats applaud in unison.

By this time, Sanders, standing off stage returns uncertainly to the podium wondering who is next. Will it be the Ambassador from ISIS? Then he notices the Sergeant at arms standing in the rear of the room pointing to his watch. It's time to shut this thing down. Sanders then says, "God bless you and God bless America." He proceeds back up the aisle with his clenched fist in the air as the Congressmen and women tussle his hair.


Siarlys Jenkins said...

Now Gary, you don't really think John Boehner would be such a wuss, do you?

(And have you noticed, your audience has basically shrunk to me, an occasional appearance from Squid or elwood, and an anonymous once a month or two? Maybe this sophomoric humor doesn't even grab conservatives.)

Gary Fouse said...

When was my audience any bigger? Miggie has cancer and Findalis passed away. This isn't exactly the Huffington Post, you know.

elwood p suggins said...

Wondered about Miggie.

Gary Fouse said...


The cancer seems to have been removed. He is recuperating from several complications and slowly recovering his walking ability (with a walker.) He is local, so I visit him periodically.

elwood p suggins said...

10-4 Gary, my regards to him next time you see him, and tell him to hang in there.

Gary Fouse said...

I will do that and thanks for your concern.