Friday, May 29, 2015
The Godmother (Part 17)
In a presidential palace on a third world Caribbean hellhole island
Seated around a long table were a group of American businessmen, plus a Canadian businessman, and the president-for-life of the island nation. Also present was the Godmother.
As the president- for- life called the meeting to order, one of the businessmen rose and presented him with a box all gift wrapped. Inside as he opened it was a gold plated cell phone. Smiling broadly, he turned the meeting over to the Godmother, who presented her ideas for commercial development of the island.
"It's all very simple," she said. "Here is how it works. First of all, you give a $ one million dollar contribution to the Godmother Foundation to support our good works on behalf of the poor."
"OK," said the president- for- life. "And?"
The Godmother continued. "And you grant my brother, Fredo, a gold mining concession."
"Wait a minute," interjected the president-for-life. "With all due respect, Godmother, everybody knows Fredo is a pimp. Besides, what does he know about gold mining?"
"Nothing, but he sits on the board of Goldilocks Mining Corporation of Nevada."
"Since this morning."
"What else?" asked the president-for-life.
"You pay my husband $700,000 to give a speech in front of your Chamber of Commerce. Oh yes. One other thing. Our daughter gives a speech here about diarrhea for 75 grand. You have a lot of diarrhea on this island, and she's an expert on the subject."
The president-for-life said nothing, but clearly he was confused. He looked at his aides, but they stared straight ahead afraid to say anything. Finally, he looked at the Godmother and asked," Such a deal, but what do I get out of all this?"
The Godmother smiled.
When the Godfather gives his speech, he will describe you as a great world leader.
The president-for-life smiled broadly. Then, just as suddenly, the smile disappeared and he said," But everybody knows I'm no great world leader. I'm a tin pot dictator in charge of a hell hole in the middle of the Caribbean."
The Godmother never missed a beat.
"You know that, and I know that, but there are about 150 million Americans who don't know that. That's where the Godfather and I come in. They'll believe anything we tell them. It's our credibility that you can bank on."
The president-for life sat thinking to himself.
"Yeah," he said half audibly.
"Plus, you get to keep the gold plated cell phone. It has my number and e-mail on speed dial."
"Deal!" The president-for-life rose and extended his hand across the table. The two shook hands.
"By the way," the president-for-life added. "Why isn't the Godfather here?"
"The Godmother hesitated then answered, "Oh, he's back at the hotel preparing his speech."