Sunday, March 28, 2010

Celebrity Endorsements-Barack Obama for DiGiorno Pizza

For those unwanted guests

"The plastic knives and forks are in that drawer, the beer's in the fridge, and the pizza should be ready in a couple of minutes. Don't forget to clean up after yourselves before you leave. I gotta go now."

Hi America. This is Barack Obama on behalf of DiGiorno Pizza.

You know, when you are President of the United States and living in the White House, you have to do a lot of entertaining, sometimes, even with folks that you would rather not have around for very long, you know, like beer summits, photo ops with visiting Rotary Club members, spelling bee winners and heads of those 3rd world peanut states that mean nothing to the US-like Israel. Besides, a president needs to have more time with really important visitors, like George Soros and Andy Stern.

I have learned since I became president, that there are a lot of times when I have to put my foot down-especially with recalcitrant countries that offend us by starting construction projects in their cities without my approval. And I practice what I preach. You know why Los Angeles can't get another NFL team? Because I won't let them build a stadium on land (Southern California), in which Mexico has a claim (Aztlan). That's right! You see, there a lot of folks, like that great student organization, Mecha, that say that the Southwest rightfully belongs to Mexico. So why should I allow any new construction in disputed territory before I negotiate a big treaty with Mexico. That's also why I don't allow construction of any new refineries, oil-drilling operations or nuclear power plants.

"That's a big f------- deal, Kimo Sabe."

But let's get back to pizza. I figured out a way to deal with those situations-especially around evening when it's time to head upstairs and have a nice dinner with the First Missus. What do I do with those pesky guests that don't know when to leave?

I just pop in a DiGiorno pizza, set the timer, and tell them to make themselves at home. Paper plates and plastic utensils are in that drawer over there, folks. See y'all later. And if you need to make any important calls back to Israel, you can use these White House phones right here (heh heh).

DiGiorno is much more convenient than delivery, you see, because not just anybody can walk into the White House as we all know.

It's also more diplomatic than letting important world leaders like Yassir Arafat cool their heels outside the Oval Office while the president is playing hide the pepperoni with the interns.

"I don't think that's funny."

Well, I do, but back to pizza. Whenever you have an unwanted guest that you don't like and you want to get rid of him quick, do what I do.

DiGiorno. It's not pizza. It's DiGiorno.

Did I get that right, Tonto?

"That's a big f-----' deal, Kimo Sabe."

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