Thinking of visiting the Nation's Capital this year? You better think twice about that. Crime in DC has never been higher. It's not safe to even walk through the Capitol building lest you be relieved of your wallet. I have a better suggestion. Why not head a few miles outside the beltway and visit...
Baltimore.
Yes, Baltimore, the city everybody is talking about. Home of the Ravens and home of the Orioles. And you'd better do it this year because word is the Orioles are thinking about moving back to St Louis, where they used to be the St Louis Browns, while the Ravens are thinking about moving back to Cleveland.
Let's say you go this summer for a three-day tour. That means, of course, that the Ravens will be off and Ray Rice et al will be home with their wives. But you can see Baltimore's jewel, Oriole Park at Camden Yards. You can also enjoy Baltimore's famous cuisine as you grab a big sloppy barbeque pork sandwich at Boog Powell's barbeque stand right outside the right-field wall.
You can shake hands with Boog himself as you pay your bill and get an autograph. That's a lot better than you will do with Hillary Clinton in Washington, I'll tell you. Boog won't tell you get to the back of the line. And he won't even care if you have his signature barbeque sauce all over your hands. He's a regular Joe-not like You Know Who.
The other thing to do is visit the Inner Harbor, Baltimore's other jewel. I recommend you do that on Day One.
On Day Two, I recommend you head over to the Inner Harbor.
On Day Three, spend the day walking around the Inner Harbor.
If you are worried about transportation, that's no problem at all. Baltimore's famed paddy wagons run all over town. San Francisco has the cable cars, but Baltimore has its paddy wagons. Do like the locals do. Everybody in Baltimore rides the paddy wagons.
Worried about a place to stay? No problem. The Baltimore Housing Authority reports there are over 35,000 unoccupied buildings in the city, like the one above.
Oh yes. No visit to Baltimore would be complete without a visit to the grave of Baltimore's most famous resident, Edgar Allen Poe. Go at night to get the full effect. I'm sure you know the legend of the mysterious visitor who for years beginning in 1949 would show up around midnight and leave three roses and a bottle of cognac at Poe's grave on the anniversary of his birth. Apparently, he hasn't been seen for the last several years. Some say he died.
My inside sources say he moved.
Here's a fun fact: Did you know that Spoker of the House Nancy Pelosi was born in Baltimore? That's right. In fact, both her father and brother were mayors of Baltimore, parts of a long line of great mayors that continues to this day. Tip: Don't bring this up to the good burghers of Baltimore. They are a little sensitive about the subject. Fact is, however, that Nancy is rumored to be the inspiration for many of Poe's scary tales.
So take my suggestion: Visit Baltimore, and like Edgar Allen Poe, you will say:
"Nevermore".
PS: Don't get the crabs.
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