Outrage Grows Over the Great Fousesquawk Bailout

(Tip of the hat to MattandPhilipsjokebook.com)


Congress reacted in fury today over reports that Fousesquawk, the blog giant, will be given another 150 billion dollars in tax-payer funds to cover bonus payments. This on top of the previous 150 billion, Fousesquawk had already received in TARP payments earlier this year.

Senator Chuck Grassley (R-IA) said that Fousesquawk CEO Gary Fouse should kill himself. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said that he and Senator Chris Dodd (D-CT)would introduce legislation to tax any bonuses paid out by Fousesquawk at 100%. Secretary of the Treaury Tim Geithner issued a statement today that he would personally meet with Fousesquawk this week as soon as he (Geithner) finished doing his income taxes on Turbo-Tax. President Obama was unavailable for comment as his TelePrompTer is down for repairs after the fiasco at yesterday's St Patrick's day party with the Irish Prime Minister when they were reading each other's speeches. (That's not a joke.)

Earlier this morning, reporters caught up with CEO Gary Fouse at his cubicle at UC Irvine where they asked him a series of questions.

When asked how many bonuses were involved, Fouse replied only one since he was the only executive. He denied that any bonus money would go to Lance and Bryan, his two chief co-respondents.

"They never agree with me on anything anyway", Fouse stated.

Fouse did, however, admit that a few billion would go to the Radarsite and Grizzly Groundswell blogs, which are Fousesquawk affiliates.

When asked about the critical statements made by members of Congress, Fouse grew defiant.

"Who are they to criticize me? Dodd? I own that bum. Check his contribution list and see how much money I've given him. Check out what Maxine Waters said about me a few years back on the floor of the House.....'Fousesquawk, under the OUTSTANDING leadership of Gary Fouse.......' And Barney Frank? He's complainin' now, but remember when he said the US couldn't afford to let a giant like Fousesquawk go under. Besides, Barney better watch his mouth. I know a few things."

Fouse grew evasive, however, when asked how much advertising revenue Fousesquawk brings in.

"Well, uh....I don't really know. I got this deal with Adsense, and last time I checked the account, they owed me about 55 bucks......, but ya see I don't get nothin' until it reaches a hundred bucks. Yeah, that's it! That's the ticket!"

Finally, when asked by reporters what he would say to the American tax-payers who are forking over all these billions, Fouse retorted,

"Suck it up."