Obama's Grande Tour is Coming to Europe

"Your Majesty, Obama will receive you now. Don't forget to remove your hat"


In the wake of Barack Obama's flap over his choices of speaking venues in Berlin, no sooner did I joke about him using the top of the Arc de Triomph in Paris as a paltform, now comes this: While in London, the Great Man now reportedly plans to hold a press conference at 10 Downing Street-without the Prime Minister even being present. (Presumably, Mr Brown will be peeking out from the curtains.) Is there no limit to the vanity of this man?

Apparently, Obama is going to need every last one of those reported 300 "foreign policy advisors" on his team-mostly retreads from the Clinton Administration. Up to now, however, they seem to be giving him a lot of bum advice. Even I could do better than this.

Who advised him to hold speaking engagements at the Brandenburg Gate-and when was nixed-the Winged Victory Monument in Berlin? Anybody with any basic knowledge of German history would have known those were tasteless choices. Maybe they can fly Obama down to Nuremberg, where the old Nazi Party Rally Grounds are still lying there unbooked-albeit crumbling. Obama seems to prefer those places that can hold a hundred thousand screaming admirers. That would be just the place.

Now that I'm on a roll, how about a few more ideas? I would suggest, while in Paris, Obama have the entire Champs d'Elysees closed off as he promenades from the Arch de Triomph down to the Place de la Concorde. Along the way, he can stop off at one of those famous pubs and chug down some of France's great beer that his "foreign policy experts" must be telling him about. As The Great Man wolfs down a great French bratwurst that his "foreign policy experts" have recommended, he can field softballs from Katie Couric or Brian Williams, who will be lapping at his heels.

Then in London, after a hard day at 10 Downing Street, he can have a gourmet dinner and enjoy the exquisite British food that his "foreign policy experts" must be telling him about.

I also suggest that Obama have a few of his closest associates fly over and join him in Berlin to assist in the campaign. Maybe Jeremiah Wright can give a warm-up speech in a beer hall, throw out a few "God Damn Deutschlands" and call the Germans "beer guzzling white people". That otta set the beer mugs flying.

Maybe William Ayres can join Obama in Berlin and set fire to the Reichstag-just for old times sake.

Maybe Michael Pfleger can hook up with Obama in London and hold a joint rally with some radical Muslim clerics, call for someone's head to be cut off-just for solidarity's sake.

Even Obama's newly-found friend, Bill Clinton can be put to good use in Paris. While Obama is briefing the French president, Nicholas Sarkozy on his new policies once the formality of the election is out of the way, Bill can entertain the comely French First Lady, Carla Bruni.

Then, when it's over and the cheers have died down, Obama can fly home on his Airbus (holding 300 "foreign policy experts" and 300 reporters) to an American public now convinced once and for all that Obama is truly presidential.