The Patriot Games

It was a sultry June morning in Washington DC. High up in the IRS headquarters, agent Shady Green was sorting through his inbox. He had just returned from a three day conference in Las Vegas and was slightly the worse for wear.

IRS conferences are pretty demanding; lots of meetings, lots of shaking hands, lots of line dancing, and lots of eating and drinking.

And did those conferees ever eat and drink!

Shaky really didn't have his heart into reading mail and reports, but he had so much to catch up on. It was getting close to lunchtime, so he opened his top left drawer and pulled out the lunch he had brought from home.

As he unwrapped his meal, he suddenly noticed the headline just below the masthead of the Washington Post.

"Redskins pressured to change offensive name. Are Patriots next?"

Setting his lunch aside, Shady perused the article below. Since the town's football team was once again being called on to change its offensive name (Redskins), some wise guy out in California named Fousesquawk was asking whether the New England Patriots would be the next team to come under demands to change its own offensive nickname.

"Patriots? Patriots?" said Shady over and over to himself. Suddenly he remembered.

Going to his computer, he checked his files and previous messages from the bosses at Treasury. Then he found it under the BOLO (Be on the Lookout list).



"Be on the lookout for all organizations with the name 'Patriot' in them."

Shady Green had stumbled upon the biggest case of his otherwise insignificant IRS career.

"Hey Joe", he called to his colleague in the neighboring cubicle. "You seen the boss?"

"Haven't seen him", replied Joe. "I think he went to another conference."

"How about Lois Lerner? Where is she? I think I just saw her walk by."

"She's on leave."

"But I could swear I just saw her walk by," insisted Shady.



"I told you she's on leave," replied Joe with a note of finality in his voice.

"Oh."

Shady finished his lunch.

Later in the day, Shady was still sitting in his cubicle, trying to figure out what to do or who to call with his discovery. Lerner never returned, nor did anyone of any authority in the office. He knew Greg Roseman was in his office, but he was in charge of another department and was in a closed door meeting with some guy named Braulio. Shady was on good terms with Sarah Ingram Hall, but she had been transferred to another IRS office overseeing Obamacare, and worked in a completely different IRS building just recently built for that purpose.


Hat tip Albert Speer


By now, it was  6:30, and Shady was still sitting at his desk. Everyone else had been gone since 4:30, and he was alone with his thoughts. He reached into his top right drawer and pulled out the dinner he had made for himself that morning.



As he unwrapped his meal, he suddenly saw the headline running across the Washington Post sports page.

"Patriots' Aaron Hernandez charged with murder".


Aaron Hernandez-dangerous right-wing Patriot


This was it! This was the smoking gun his superiors had charged him with finding. This was proof positive that the Patriots were an organization of violent extremists, just as the President, Janet Napolitano, and the attorney general had been saying all along-not to mention Chris Matthews and Ed Schultz!

Shady grabbed for the phone.

"Operator! Get me Mr Shulman!"

"I'm sorry Sir, but Mr Shulman is at the White House."

"What the Hell is he doing there?" Shady demanded to know, his voice rising.

"He is attending the White House Easter egg roll," replied the operator.

"In the middle of June!!??" Shady slammed down the phone.

Exasperated, Shady thought of calling the secretary of the Treasury direct.




"Nah", he thought as he put the phone back down.

The hours passed. At 3 am, he had another idea. He would call Hillary Clinton.

The phone rang a good 20 minutes, but nobody answered.

At 8 am, he had one last brainstorm. He would go outside of IRS and the Treasury Department. He would go to Justice-right to the top. He picked up the phone and called the direct number to Dick Holder's office. He knew Holder had wrapped up that big Susan Rice murder case.

The phone rang and was answered: "DOJ, Thomas Perez speaking."

"Mr Perez. This is Shady Green at IRS. Is Dick Holder busy?"

"Sorry, pal. He's handling the Weiner thing right now. Can't be disturbed."

Shady slumped down in his cubicle. He didn't know what to do.

By now, it was almost 7 am. Slowly opening his middle drawer, he reached for the breakfast he had fixed for himself at home.



To be continued.....(maybe)