An Interview With Jay Cutler

"Ain't my f-----' fault."


Fousesquawk: "We are awaiting the beginning of President Obama's televised address to the nation in which he will spell out his strategy for dealing with ISIS in Iraq and Syria. In the meantime, we have Chicago Bears' quarterback, Jay Cutler, in the studio with us to talk about last Sunday's overtime loss to the Buffalo Bills. Thanks for joining us, Jay."

JC: "Thanks, for having me."

F: "Jay, you've been taking a lot of heat over your performance against the lowly Bills, a team most compared to a JV team before the game. You have been especially criticized for that interception you threw that led to a Bill's go-ahead field goal. Had you thrown it a bit sooner, it probably would have been completed. As it was, you hesitated, and it seems like you were trying to thread the needle and threw it into a crowd of Bills' defenders. Take us through that play."



JC: Well, that was a play drawn up by coach John Brennan based on scouting reports. What you dumb-ass reporters don't know is that those were not all Bills around that football. Number 25 in the white jersey was actually a member of the Free Bills. They're the good guys who are on our side. In addition, we had one of our lineman designated as a spotter. That was the center, Jim Clapper. He gave me a sign after the snap as to which receiver I should throw it to. Things just didn't work out as planned, and the wrong Bill picked it off, so we'll go back to the drawing board and hopefully do better next week.

F: "But Jim, why such a reliance on the air game? There was virtually no ground game going on."

JC: "We decided that a ground game is not necessary to win in the NFL."

F "So next week you face the 49-ers, hardly a JV team. What will be your game plan?"

JC: "I intend to use my great throwing arm to degrade and eventually destroy their defense with pin-point passes."

F: "But Jay, you can't do it alone. What support do you have?"

JC: "I got a center that hikes me the ball, and I got my great fans in the stands who will cheer me on and wear my jersey.  Not only that, we got our water boys to keep the water handy on the sidelines for us and a staff of assistants to wash our uniforms after the game. It's a joint effort. There's one of our guys now. Hey Jordan, get me a beer will'ya?"



"Sure, Jay."

F: "OK, Jay. Thanks a lot. I see the President has just walked up to the microphone, so we will now take you to the White House...."


"Ain't f-------' fault."