The Day Harry Reid Died

July 2029


I remember the day Harry Reid died as if it were only yesterday. By sheer coincidence, I happened to be in Nevada, Harry's home state. I was at the Hofbrauhaus in Las Vegas finishing off my second liter when I went to the men's room to take a leak. While standing at the urinal, someone walked in and said that Reid had died in Washington.

"Prosit!!" went up the cheer in the beer hall outside.



It seems Harry was standing in the well of the Senate droning on about how Republicans were trying to starve babies and re-institute slavery.




It was the end of the day, and the rest of the Senate had adjourned to the Cloak Room for cocktails. After a couple of hours, someone noticed Harry wasn't there  and sent a page to look for him. Well, lo and behold, there was Harry still standing at the podium in the well. The page went up to tell him his friends were looking for him. Harry wasn't talking, however; he was just standing there. Not getting a response, the page tapped him on the shoulder, at which point, Harry crumpled to the floor. Paramedics were called and they felt his pulse.

Harry Reid was dead, indeed.

An autopsy was conducted and cause of death was attributed to an inflamed rectal orifice, a condition Harry had been battling for decades.

A few days later, Harry's body was brought to Vegas for the funeral, so I decided to stay over a few days and attend while drowning my sorrow in the meantime.



It was a solemn event, indeed. As the hearse arrived at the cemetery and Harry's casket was removed, I noticed that there were only two pall bearers in keeping with Harry's wish for simplicity.




Of course, many dignitaries came to pay their final respects. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was overcome with grief.


When it was over, I lingered until everyone was gone so I could place a simple blossom on Harry's grave.



Many years have passed since Harry died, but Nevadans have not forgotten his legacy. Today in Tonopah, there is an impressive memorial to Harry Reid.