The Fousesquawk Guide to ObamaCare

Hat tip to Healthcare.gov

Here are just some examples of every-day Americans just like you and me who are being helped by the Affordable Care Act.

Betty is a 20-year-old Occupy protester

"With the Affordable Care Act, now I know if I get injured by cops during a protest, like have my arm broken, I don't have to worry about who's going to pay for my medical treatment. It gives me peace of mind."

Charles, 72, is a political prisoner in California.

 "I used to worry about who was going to pay for all my psychiatric treatments as  I prepare myself for the day when I will be released back into society. Now I have peace of mind knowing that I finally have insurance under the Affordable Care Act."

Nidal, 39, is on death row in Kansas.

"When I was sentenced to martyrdom, my biggest worry was who was going to pay for my lethal injection. Now that I am covered by the Affordable Care Act, I don't have to worry about a thing. My lawyer came to see me yesterday and told me he is trying to enroll me online as we speak.  On second thought, I don't have a lawyer."

And here are some frequently asked questions:

Adam, 30, asks:

"I'm an American living in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan or Pakistan (I'm not sure which). I have a problem with my beard catching on fire. Will the Affordable Care Act cover me while I am overseas?"

-Yes, as long as you didn't cause the fire. All you have to do is send us your current address and we will send you the necessary registration forms.

Gary, 68, asks:



"I'm a blogger, and I worry about my coverage if the government shuts my blog down."

-That would be a problem.


Vladimir, 143, asks:

"Will the Affordable Care Act pay for cosmetic treatments? The cost of wax is getting pretty expensive these days.  Hey! Can somebody loosen this darned tie?"

-Yes, as long as a Washington-based panel member certifies that such cosmetic treatment is necessary for your overall physical or mental health.

So are you waiting for? Get online now and join the thousands of happy Americans who are now covered under the Affordable Care Act. The link to the sign-on site is right here at Fousesquawk in the upper-right hand corner.