So much for feeling you are back in the 1930s.
As we all know by now, Cubs owner Tom Ricketts is determined to transform Wrigley Field into a combination of the Toronto Blue Jays' Wonderdome or whatever they call it and the Arizona D-backs' rhinestone cattle market in Phoenix. Here are some proposed changes.
This will be the new Cub bullpen. It will be named the Carlos Marmol Memorial Bullpen. It comes with a 5-star restaurant, which will be named, "The Blown Save Cafe". As you can see, it will be well-lit so the Cub relievers can see home plate.
Yes, Cubs Plaza, which will form a grand bridge entrance to the ballpark on Clark Street. It takes its inspiration from Albert Speer's design for a renovated Berlin. (World War II got in the way, however (heh heh).
No ballpark would be complete without a skating rink instead of a parking lot. If you want to catch one of those homers, you better tie on your skates.
Hotel and office building too. The hotel will feature a huge conference room for the visiting teams to celebrate their wins.
The new concourse will be inspired by the South Coast Plaza Mall in Orange County. In fact, shortstop Starlin Castro will have his own barbecue joint here featuring everybody's favorite, the E-5 Dog. He'll be available outside the store to sign autographs between pitches in the top half of every inning.
That still leaves one problem as the above picture clearly shows. Even with that humongous scoreboard in left field, those pesky roof top owners can still see into the field, so here is what the Cubs have decided to do:
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First of all, we construct a mega-mosque on Waveland Avenue for Sunnis. Then we construct a mega-mosque on Sheffield for Shia. Those so-uncomfortable bleachers and outdated scoreboard plus the new scoreboard have to go (sorry Jesse Jackson and sons). Who wants to know the score anyway? Now those roof-top owners will be out of business because nobody will be able to see past the mosques. In fact, there will be no rooftops because the buildings will be torn down to make way for the mosques. In addition, it will instill a new spirit of victory for the team and bring in new fans.
"And now, please direct your attention to the left field minaret and join Anjem Choudary as he sings, 'Take me out to the ballgame.'"
And as for that Clark Street bridgeway, well, we've changed our minds about that. As you can see, we have moved it in the center where the old scoreboard was so it connects the two mosques. Why?
That's for the two competing armies.
And if this doesn't work? We'll just put a dome over the whole thing and forget about it.
I wonder what Harry Carey would say.
"Holy Sh**!".
You're mixing your metaphors Gary. But the bottom line is this: No changes in Wrigley Field are going to be approved for the necessary permits in Chicago unless the rooftop bleachers keep their views. The riots that would result from any other course of action would make the Great Chicago Fire look like a marshmallow roast -- right Findalis?
ReplyDeleteHere's some current photos:
http://siarlysjenkins.blogspot.com/2012/10/for-cubs-for-gary-fouse-for-common.html
Siarlys,
ReplyDeleteA bizarre article indeed. Was your thesis about me or the Cubs or the photos?
If I'm not mistaken the Wrigley Field was the oldest field still in use. I see from one of the photos that they still don't have lights on the field for night games.
ReplyDeleteIs that possible that the long suffering Cub fans still won't be able to watch an evening game?
If so, it is no wonder that the team has such bad karma... the owners are bastards
Miggie,
ReplyDeleteWrigley has had lights since I think the early nineties. There are not installed in the outfield only around the grandstand.
I think the lack of lights was a detriment to the Cubs in having to play all day games through the hot summers. Poor management through the decades was also a factor.
Then there is that billy goat.
PS Miggie,
ReplyDeleteFenway in Boston is the oldest (1912)
Wrigley opened in 1914 as Weegham park for a a team in the old federal league. The Cubs moved in in 1916 I believe.
Mr. Wrigley, who owned the team for decades (the heir to the Wrigley chewing gum fortune) wouldn't install lights because it would have been annoying to the neighbors, the stadium being in a residential area. That's still why the lights are limited in scope and placement.
ReplyDeleteMy post Gary, which you spoke better of in your comment there, was motivated by a desire to post my photos of Wrigley Field taken from the Red Line train, and needing some theme to justify them. You're one of two stalwart Cubs fans I know, the other being a cousin who grew up on the south side of Chicago.