Celebrity Endorsements- Michael Bloomberg For East River Bottled Water

Dear New Yorkers,

This is your mayor speaking. Now that those sugary soft drinks have been banned from my city, I am here to introduce my healthy alternative.

East River bottled water. That's right. Bottled right here locally from New York's own East River, this is the right choice to battle obesity.

Now you don't have to turn to those fancy European products like Perrier to drink healthy. At the same time, Michelin gives East River 5 stars. That's because East River is loaded with nutrients from the river that gave it its name, like all the great ingredients from those Michelin tires laying in the river bed.



In addition, East River bottled water is rich in calcium thanks to all those dead Mafia guys whose bones are also on the river floor. In the spirit of saving the planet, we call it "recycled" calcium. Who knows, you could have a piece of Jimmy Hoffa.

So what are you waiting for? You don't have to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge to taste East River. Pick up a 6-pack at your local health store today.