Celebrity Endorsements: Jay Carney for Rosetta Stone

Good morning, Ladies and gentleman. Jay Carney here for my friends at Rosetta Stone-the perfect way to learn a new language. As you know, American diplomats being posted overseas have to undergo intensive language training in a wide varieties of languages depending on where they are serving. In my case, I am serving in Washington. That's where Rosetta Stone comes in. Not only do they have materials available in Spanish, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and all that stuff. They also have new programs in several English dialects.

That's where I come in.

Prior to becoming president Obama's White House spokeshole, I had to undergo intensive language training in order to be able to communicate with those native White House press reporters.

That's where Rosetta Stone comes in.

Introducing Rosetta Stone's new course in  Spokeshole English, a dialect little known outside the Beltway*, but essential if you want to work in the White House.

(*Beltway, for all you UC Santa Cruz Community Studies and History of Consciousness majors, is the area of Washington DC and its environs in Virginia and Maryland, where all the bureaucrats live. The Beltway itself is a circular highway that...Oh, never mind.)

Continuing.

It not only comes with tapes, where you can interact with recorded speakers and answer their questions, but it has a handy manual, which I take to each White House press briefing. Here is an example of some of the lessons:

"How's the weather today, Jay?" (That's a tough one.)

"I'll have to get back to you on that one."

Now don't think because Spokeshole English is a dialect that it is simple and easy to understand. It has many nuances, which can trick the learner. For example, many Asian learners get mixed up with answering yes or no questions because their own languages answer them differently. It's the same with Spokeshole English, where yes can mean no and no can mean yes.

"Why do the Arabs hate us, Jay?"

"No, they love us."

"Then why are they attacking our embassies and shouting, 'Death to America', Jay?"

" No, that is because of some despicable video made in 2011."

"What is the President gonna do, Jay?"



"Yes, the President is in contact with our allies in the region. We will continue to work with them to bring about the free and democratic societies in the Arab world that their peoples so richly deserve."

"What about reports there was advance notice that we were going to have our consulate in Benghazi attacked, Jay?"

"Yes, that is not true-only a malicious rumor by Fousesquawk."

One of the interesting features of Spokeshole English is that the words, "Thank you" actually mean, "Goodbye."

That's my cue. Gotta go. But you be sure to pick up the new course by Rosetta Stone. In no time, You'll be speaking Spokeshole English like a native-just like me.