FOUSESQUAWK UNIVERSITY: "Study, Learn and Stay Thirsty"
Fousesquawk University (FU) is announcing the following teacher vacancies:
Teaching positions are open for the following fields:
Math
Science
Engineering
Economics
History
English
Spanish
French
German
Italian
Arabic
Russian
Chinese
Japanese
(If you don't see your field here, we don't teach it. In addition, we have no post graduate program.)
We also have an opening for manager position at the FU Penguin Pub on campus.
Requirements: (Penguin Pub manager position excepted)
Applicants must be at least 35 years of age and have at least 10 years of real-life, non-academic work experience including at least two years of military. In addition, applicant must have at least one year of overseas living experience and be proficient in at least one second language. Finally, applicant must have no more than a Masters degree. (PhDs need not apply.)
Code of Ethics (Penguin Pub manager position excepted)
All teachers must sign a written agreement that they will not express their personal opinions in class-especially on topics outside the teacher's subject. The mission of FU is to educate-not indoctrinate. It is for our students to decide what they choose to believe.
Other than all that, FU is an equal opportunity employer.
Applicants should apply at this site in the comments section of this notice. Please mark all applications, "FU".
I'll take a position in Arabic (Hell I'll throw Hebrew in for the heck of it.). Resume will follow.
ReplyDeleteI could almost qualify, but I have no military experience, and I want to be free to teach my personal opinion that water is a polyatomic compound, made up of molecules held together by covalent bonds.
ReplyDeleteSiarlys,
ReplyDeleteIs that a hi-falutin' way of saying hydrogen, oxygen and...what was that 3rd one?
I guess I would qualify for the Penguin Pub. Well I am college "educated" and a veteran but I don't speak another language. Unless you count someone fluent in Ebonics. I was at one time a 911 operator in Houston and Central Louisiana....
ReplyDeleteGary, if you want your students to learn hard sciences, rather than sociology, they need the precise hi fallutin' terminology. I've been tutoring a family friend who is taking pre-nursing chemistry classes, so I have some direct knowledge of what the professor rightly expects students to know.
ReplyDeleteThat third atom is... another hydrogen of course. That's why it's called h TWO o. (I am amused by the many well-developed web sites on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide).
Cabbie, I never thought I'd be taking this side of the debate with you, but there ain't no such thing as "Ebonics." Some Americans of African descent are raised in family settings or subcultures that still habitually use a modified form of late middle-English, which is why the syntax bears some resemblance to the King James Version of the Bible. Who do you think the first people brought from Africa learned English from? Indentured servants taken from the jails of south Devon in the early to mid-1600s, of course.
Now Siarlys there you be goin again. You should know that Ebonics is the real English. Been tald dat since 1970s. Just axe any teacher in the Inner City.
ReplyDeleteYou made my case Findalis. If you look in dictionaries that devote several pages to explaining the evolution of English, you will find that in Middle English the word was pronounced "aks" and more or less spelled that way. Now how they distinguished it from "ax" I'm not sure. There was a case of three young ladies in England who wanted to change their surname from "Sex" to almost anything else available. Their affronted uncle said the name derived from "Seax" meaning a battle ax, so maybe it was "aks" and "seax."
ReplyDeleteI had a chuckle with that Siarlys. Will Miss Sex please step forward.
ReplyDeleteLet us welcome Miss Sex to the podium.
Meet and Greet Congresswoman Sex.
I could go on.
LOL
Oh you intellectuals..take a meant to be humorous comment and turn it into some sort of quasi academic debate. I think I will just stay in the Penguin Pub.
ReplyDeleteGary,
This post will serve as my letter of interest for the postion of Penguin Pub mgr. I can make a mean "wikki wacky wu."
Haw haw! Just listen to that communist, Siarlys, go at it again! (Is Siarlys some kind of anagram for "Lenin" or something?)
ReplyDeleteYeah, the inner city blacks are speaking the English of King James! That's why they say things like "Thee" and "Thou". Haw! Don't make me laugh! Next he'll tell us that Snoopy Dogg Dog wrote "Hamlet"!
Keep telling the TRUTH, Findalis! I'm glad somebody comments on here who has some SENSE!!! I'll axe you questions from now on!
The idol worshipper (still not sure if he's worshipping flags or eagles) has missed that Findalis and I are agreeing today. Apparently, our young pagan friend also needs to learn the alphabet, unless he is simply ignorant as to the meaning of the word "anagram."
ReplyDeleteP.S. You won't find me saying anything favorable about "Dog Scoop." But he talks in a style that wasn't even street lingo as recently as twenty years ago. That's the problem with "black culture" these days. It is all issued to the kiddies by the entertainment industry. As Jesse B. Semple said, back in the day, "as if there were not fifty-eleven kinds of Negroes in the U.S.A." (That dates the Langston Hughes column from which I took the excellent line).