MSNBC Line-Up

"Yee Gads!"

Last night, my wife and I were talking about spending the evening watching TV together, something we usually don't do because our interests are different. I like O'Reilly and she likes America's Got Talent. We were trying to find a compromise when she suggested watching the entire MSNBC rodeo of news commentators. I decided to give myself a root canal first.

Actually, I recommend it highly for those of you who can't figure out which side of the philosophical fence you are sitting on.

Here is what you can look forward to. Forgive me if I don't get them in the right order.

Chris Matthews has a late afternoon show called "Hardball". That name goes back to the days before Chris lost his mind. In the past, he used to bring on guests from different sides and ask them hard questions. That was then. Chris is about as objective about things now-a-day as a Cub fan sitting in the bleachers. He is an unabashed admirer of Obama and thinks anyone opposed to Obama must wear white sheets on Saturday nights. In 2006, while anchoring the MSNBC election results, he actually said, "Yea!" when it was reported that another Democrat had won. Here is Chris in 2010 when the Republicans won.



Then there is Rachel Maddow. She used to be on Air America before they went belly-up in the days before the Obama bailouts. Now she is on MSNBC. Even  if you are the most liberal feminist on the planet, Maddow is deadly boring. The only remedy in watching this show is that you can spend the entire hour trying to figure out if that's really Rachel on the screen, Ron Reagan or Treasury Secretary Tim (Turbo-Tax) Geithner.




See?

About this time, you will be ready for a break-you know-something you can laugh at.

The Ed Show.

Yes, MSNBC's Butter and Egg Man, Ed Schultz. This big oaf is the liberal version of Ralph Cramden bouncing from one studio wall to the other as he rips into anything Republican (which they all do, frankly). This is the guy who recently called conservative commentator Laura Ingraham, "a right-wing slut". For that, he was suspended for a week then welcomed back with open arms. Believe me folks, this guy is funnier than a barrel full of monkeys.

Then it's back to serious stuff with Democratic hack-turned newsman Lawrence O'Donnell as he continues the MSNBC onslaught against Republicans, tea-partiers and conservatives. He is so non-descript that I can't make many jokes about him. That would be like making a joke about the grass growing in my back yard. He is so non-descript, there's no sense even putting his picture up.

But you have not seen the piece de resistance (no pun intended). In the spirit of something for every interest, anyone interested in learning a new language can tune into the new total immersion  Al Sharpton Show called "No Justice-No Peace" or something like that.


"Don't you know who I am?"


We haven't had time to properly evaluate this new blockbuster yet, but we all know what we can expect. Surely, he will refer to Republicans as "white interlopers" wearing yarmulkas. He will probably accuse Republicans of gang-raping some girl in Harlem. Maybe he will accuse Republicans of trying to overcharge for cocaine sales. One burning question is whether he can pronounce "Republicans" correctly. Remember, he is a reverend. You might want to count how many times he mentions God or Jesus. (That would be none.)

If 5 hours of this is too much for you, I can suggest some techniques to keep you from shooting the TV set. I suggest you count the number of times each host uses the word, "Republican". If they use it in the very first sentence of the show, award two points.

See how many Republican figures are mentioned on every show. Specifically, that would be Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Mitt Romney, and the new guy in the barrel, Rick Perry. These folks come in for special treatment on each of the shows. Must have something to do with the fact they are all running for president.

Another game you can play is "Who will be suspended/fired next?" As we know, Keith Olbermann is now gone and working for Al Gore.  That leads to the game called "Who goes first into the mental institution?"

Or you could play, "Who is more fair and balanced?" Here's how the game goes. Either the evening before or after watching the mad-hatters of MSNBC, spend three hours watching Fox-specifically Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Greta van Susteren. They are pretty conservative-especially Hannity. What you have to do is compare how many guests with differing viewpoints appear on each channel? How many debates over issues take place? How many Democrats appear on Fox as opposed to Republicans on MSNBC? It's a swell game and easy to play.