The Chicago Cubs use Right Guard.
(And they still stink)
Hi fans! We're the Chicago Cubs, and we are here to tell you about Right Guard-the official deodorant of the Cubs.
As you know, after a long day of stinking up Wrigley Field (and opposing parks as well), it's great to get back in the clubhouse, take a long, hot shower and spray on Right Guard to get rid of that nasty odor that comes with losing. Why, when we leave the park to go home, we actually feel and look (and smell) as if we had won!
"Hey! Who stole my Right Guard?"
Our groundskeepers also use Right Guard when they sweep the infield in the middle of the game. In fact, we have the only groundskeeping crew in the majors with a licensed pilot.
Take today, for example. Today, we were playing the Pirates, our arch-rivals in the annual Battle for the Basement.
Pittsburgh Pirates-10
Cubs -0
No matter. A little Right Guard and life is indeed, wonderful.
So if you want to smell like a winner, pick up a century-supply of Right Guard today. Your fans will thank you.
Oh, THAT's why I heard the man waiting for an El connection at Howard Avenue saying "They really were a better team."
ReplyDeleteBut I'm beginning to think Gary, with fans like you, who needs enemies?
I find it quite therapeutic.
ReplyDeleteWell, my cousin who grew up on the south side of Chicago says being a Cubs fan is good preparation for life.
ReplyDeleteAt first, I thought it was a one-liner, but later, I learned that she can go on philosophically for five or fifteen minutes on the subject.
But as a fan, you come across like Oday Hussein boosting the Iraqi Olympic team after a loss, except you aren't in a position to inflict physical penalties.
Boo. Gary where is my cousin who was always a Cubs fan? Aren't you being a bit tough on them? Love you anyway, Martha
ReplyDeleteI still love them, Martha, but it helps to make humor out of it. Remember 1963 when you guys first took me to Wrigley Field? I was 18 then. That was the start. Since then, its been 1969, 1984, 2003. Still no world series.
ReplyDeleteI do remember great times at ball games with you.I also remember going to Red Sox games and they finally won the World Series. There is always hope Love from your cousin.
ReplyDeleteCousins make good Cubs fans. Is Martha still in Chicago?
ReplyDeleteSiarlys,
ReplyDeleteNo, and I'm not telling you where she is. She's not for you!!!
Oh, she's probably married Gary. It's MY cousin (female) who is the REAL Cubs fan in the family. She grew up on the south side. Now she lives in a small city in Wisconsin and made several trips to Madison during the first uprising against the Walker Reichstag Fire Budget Obfuscation Bill.
ReplyDeleteI don't care what Martha's politics are, and I don't want to go out with her. I just love Cubs fans.