First the Packers-Lions: Coming into the game, the Lions were 2-10 and the Packers 8-4. Easy, right? Little did the Packers suspect that the US Government Lions were going to "redistribute" the talent (by knocking Aaron Rodgers out of the game with a concussion), which of course, "leveled the playing field". Final score-Lions 7- Packers 3.
The other morning game was the Oakland Brain Surgeons playing a game in Jacksonville they could have won. In the end, the Jaguars won it 38-31.
I was hoping to watch Tom Brady against the Bears, especially since they were playing in a blizzard. But no, contractual obligations took us to San Diego where the Kansas City Chefs served up a delicious lunch for the Chargers. Chargers 31- Chefs 0. And Tom Brady? He clobbered the Bears 36-7.
In Pittsburgh, the Bungles had me worried for the first quarter before reverting to Bungleball and succumbing to my Steelers 23-7. As usual, there was a shot of Carson Palmer arguing with Terrel Owens over a missed route or something. After the game, Terrel was whining about not getting the ball enough. What else is new in Cincinnati? Next year, Owens will be screwing up some other team's clubhouse.
Meanwhile in Arizona, Bidwell's Birdies (Cardinals) kept their playoff hopes alive........
Ahem, by beating the Denver Donkeys 43-13. The same team that almost won the Super Bowl 2 years ago is now 4-9-but only two games behind the division leaders-whoever they are. It's amazing, but ever since I started following the NFL as a kid, the Bidwell family has been mis-managing that franchise-from Chicago to St Louis to Arizona.
And of course, no NFL broadcast would be complete without this:
"Let's go down on the field where Bambi has an update. Whadda'ya got for us, Bambi?"
"Well Al, I talked to coach Kowalski a short while ago, and I asked him what his team had to do to win the game. He said, 'Hey, we gotta run the ball, throw the ball, and stop the run'. Back to you, Al."
(I know. I know. Save your cards and letters.)
'Hey! How 'bout them Washington All-Stars? Tying touchdown with less than 10 seconds to play and, whoosh, they blow the extra point.
All-Stars 16
Tampa Bay 17
Here's the video:
But the big game was the game that never was. You see, a funny thing happened to the NY Giants on their way to Minnesota to play the Vikings. First, the weather forced them to stay in Kansas City. Then the canvas roof of the Humpty-Dome in Minneapolis collapsed under the weight of the snow. Now the game will be played Monday night in Detroit.
I told them years ago to get rid of that Humpty-Dome. It was the most ridiculous baseball park in the land with those trash bags for outfield walls. Now the roof caves in.
Then there were the Jets, whose coach, Rex Ryan, is always bragging that they are the best team in the NFL. First, they get blown out by the Pats, now today they lose to the Dolphins 10-6. When was their last touchdown? At least we now know who their "12th Man on the Field" is; it's their asst. coach, Sal Alosi, who tripped a Dolphin's player as he ran down the sidelines.
What New York team would be complete without a guy named Sal?
But you talk about cheating.
"Ya talk about chickensh--!"
Finally, the Eagles and Jerry's Kids are 7-7 in the first. I'll predict the final score will be...
Eagles 31
Jerry's Kids 27
* Final score
Eagles 30
Jerry's Kids 27
It's simple.
And the Fousesquawk Lock of the week on Monday night?
Texans 66
Ravens 0
(I wish.)
How about Ravens 24
Texans 13?
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