Celebrity Endorsements- Rahm Emanuel for the New York Times

Rahm Emanuel

"All the fish that's fit to wrap"

Rahm Emanuel here for the New York Times. You know, that counter-revolutionary Sean Hannity over at Fixed News is always on my case about having sent a dead fish to one of my enemies. What he doesn't know is that I always wrap my dead fish in style before sending them to people I don't like.

I wrap them in the New York Times.

That's right. After I get through reading the articles about John McCain scandals and editorials by my favorite writers, such as Maureen Dowd, Frank Rich, Paul Krugman, and Tom Friedman, I don't throw good paper away. No Sir, I use it to wrap up my dead fish and send it to all those folks who SHOULD be reading the New York Times.

Oh, by the way, they do have a straight news section with no bias whatsoever. It's called the sports page. Straight news here, folks. You know, Yankees lose to Phillies 6-1, stuff like that.

So if you want to read the paper that the White House reads, do what I do; subscribe to the New York Times. Because every dead fish deserves a great wrap. They even offer free home delivery.

(Fish is extra.)