Thursday, December 3, 2015

Confessions of a Workplace Violencer (SIC)

By Anonymous

Image result for two prisoners

So I got pinched by the fuzz yesterday and got taken down to the county lockup. After they fingerprinted and photographed me and did the standard finger wave, they threw me in a cell. Sitting on a bunk was this big ugly guy.

"Hi," he said. "My name's Bubba. What are ya in for?"

"Workplace violence, " I replied.

"No sh--," he said. "What happened."

So I told him.

"See, I was at this office party, and everything was goin' fine until this dude dissed me."

"Oh yeah?" Bubba replied. "What did you do? You kicked his ass, right?"

"Hell no, " I said. "I went home and told my wife about it. She said, 'Let's go back there and take care of business."

"So we got into our combat fatigues and ski masks, threw on our ammo belts, grabbed some automatic rifles, IEDs,  pipe bombs, and a couple thousand rounds of ammo, threw 'em in our rented SUV, put on our GoPro cameras so's we could send the pics to our homies, dropped off the kid with a baby-sitter, and  off we went. We get back to the place where the party was and we shoot up the joint. I took out the guy who dissed me along with about 30 other people for good measure. Then we get in a chase with the fuzz and, well, here I am."

"Yeah! I heard about it on CNN. Workplace violence. That's what they called it. So how come you took out all those other dudes?" asked Bubba.

"That's easy, " I answered. That's what it says to do in the Good Book."

"It does? Where does it say that?" Bubba asked.

"It's that verse that says,"Dust'em wherever you find 'em."

(Hopefully, Bubba ain't one of those jailhouse snitches.)

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