Sunday, August 30, 2015
The Godmother Part 18
Joe Biden Gets an Offer He Can't Refuse
Somewhere in Iowa
In a hotel room in Iowa, the Godmother sat around a table with her closest aides, Huma Abedin, Cheryl Mills, and her consigliere, David Kendall. The topic was Joey "the Weasel" Biden, who was threatening to get in the way of the Godmother's operations in Washington. The meeting went something like this:
Godmother: "David, did you take care of that thumb drive business I asked you about?"
Kendall: "Oh, you don't have to worry about that none. I wiped it clean as a whistle."
Godmother: "Good. Now let's get down to business. There's talk Joey the Weasel is gonna make a move on my operations. Whatta we gonna do about it?"
Mills: "Maybe he could have an accident."
Abedin: "Yeah. Like on his way to da White House."
Godmother: "No. That's too obvious. Besides, Joey has an accident everyday. Only they call them "gaffes". Before we go in that direction, we gotta get him to change his mind."
Mills: "How do we do dat? It ain't easy gettin' anything through that thick scull of his. Besides, word is on the street he's got the Obama family behind him."
Kendall: "The Godmother's right. The old ways don't always work so much. We should try persuasion first."
The Godmother looked around the room. Nobody said a word.
Godmother: "OK, David. You fly back to Washington and make him an offer he can't refuse."
The next day
David Kendall's plane lands at Washington's National Airport. Thirty minutes later, Kendall is driving a rented car out to Joey the Weasel's house in the Washington suburbs. Parking in front of the house, the consigliere knocks on the door. Biden answers.
"Mr Biden. My name is David Kendall. This is my card. I represent a group of people who would be very happy if you were to go back to Delaware next year and, uh, retire."
Joey looks at the card and says," Look here. I don't care who you are. You get outta here before I kick your ginzo ass to the gates of Hell!"
"Mr Biden, I am not Italian, but I represent the Godmother."
Biden's face went white. His tone changing, he said, "Why didn't you say so? Come on in. Let me fix you a drink."
After a couple of drinks Biden rose from his chair and said to Kendall, "David, come on out back. I want to show you something really beautiful."
As they walked out onto the back porch, Kendall saw an old donkey in the back yard eating the grass.
"Donatello. How are ya doing?" Biden purred as he stroked the donkey's back."
"What da ya think, David? Isn't that beauty?"
"It certainly is, " Kendall replied stifling a chuckle.
Later over dinner, Kendall told Biden of his proposal.
"The Godmother is concerned about you moving into her Washington operations. She feels you would be more comfortable in Delaware."
"Who says Washington is her territory?" replied Joey. "From Washington, she would control operations all over the country-even in Delaware."
"She agrees you can have Delaware. She won't interfere."
Biden smiled sarcastically. "Gee thanks. That's really a big f-----' deal."
Kendall was not amused. "That's the way it is."
At this, Biden exploded. "Get this straight, Davie boy. I ain't going nowhere. I was operatin' in dis town when the Godmother was bakin' cookies in Arkansas. I don't scare easy, see? I ain't no bimbo crawlin' into Bill's pants. Yeah I know all about them bimbo squads she operates when things get outta hand with Bill. Now you get the Hell outta here, go back to Iowa and tell the Godmother that Joey the Weasel says 'No deal"!
With that, Kendall rose, thanked Joey for a wonderful dinner and left.
That night, Joey went to bed satisfied that he had handled the situation.
But around 4 am, as he tossed and turned, Joey felt something warm and squishy at his feet.
(To be continued.)