Monday, September 3, 2012
Joe Bidenopoulos Speaks to the Greek People
"Down with the Government!"
We interrupt this riot to bring you a special address to the Greek Parliament by the Vice President of the United States, the Honorable Joe Bidenopoulos.
"Mr President, Members of the Greek Hellish Parliament, Greek people.
Where the Hell am I?
Oh yes. I am here representing President Barack America and the Obaman people in your hour of need. Sure. I could have been attending some funeral in Peru or getting out the votes in Warren, Ohio, but I am here instead in the Hellish Republic of Greece.
And that's a big f-------' deal!
I am so proud to be speaking here in the land of Aristotle. Is he here tonight? Stand up, Artie, so everybody can see ya.
You Greeks have been an inspiration to Americans and me with your great spending programs, early retirements and untold numbers of government workers. You know, us Americans can learn a lot from you. That's why under President Obama, we have instituted spending measures just like you. We have hired thousands of new government workers with fancy titles, government desks and government cars. That's called a three- letter word, folks- jobs-J-O-B-S.
And that's a big f--------' deal!
I know there are nay-sayers-like those cheap Germans who grumble about paying their fair share and helping out a fellow EU member in need. They wanna put y'all in chains. They're just like the 1% we got in the US. Don't worry about them. We took care of 'em in World War II, and we'll take care of em' again if they get out of line.
You know, I have known three Greek prime minsters, eight of them intimately. I'm pretty impressed with your new prime minister, Mr. Whats-his-Opoulos. He's clean, articulate, and even speaks English with a Pakistani accent. I told him if he ever comes to the US, I'll get him a job at a 7-11 in Delaware.
And that's a big f--------' deal (especially for a Greek).
You may not know this, but when my great grandfather came to the US from Ireland, he had a Greek girl friend whose name was something or other-opoulos. He married her and changed his name to Bidenopoulos probably cuz the cops were looking for a guy named Biden in one of those Irish gangs. Many years later, the current mayor of Los Angeles, Tony Villar, got married to a gal named Raigosa, so he changed his name to Villaraigosa, probably for the same reason. Remember that name because he's gonna run for president some day-on the Democratic ticket, of course.
Where was I? Where am I?
Well, in closing, if there is anything we in America can do for y'all, just pick up the phone and give a holler."
We now return you to our riot in progress.
"Down with America!"