When she was born, all the fairies in the land came to bestow gifts upon her, and she was destined to become the future queen.
But there was one evil fairy who thought she should be the queen.
She put a two-part curse on the princess.
First, that the Cubs would never win another world series.
Second, that the princess, when she came of age, would prick her finger on a spinning sewing machine wheel or whatever the Hell you called them in those days. She would then go to sleep forever. (For all you UC Santa Cruz Community Studies majors, that means she would die.)
But a good fairy came next and modified the curse. She stated that after 100 years, a handsome prince would come along, kiss the princess, break the curse, and they would live happily ever after.
Well, sure enough, when the princess was 18, she came upon an old hag with a spinning wheel-except it was the evil fairy in a (thinly-veiled) disguise. When she asked to see how it worked, the princess accidentally pricked her finger and immediately went into a deep sleep.
At that time, the kingdom went into a deep mourning.
Everybody was so sad. (Well, almost everybody.)
The castle where the princess was sleeping was closed off and a dense forest grew around it for the next 100 years. It was covered with ivy, thick brush and thorns and anybody who tried to penetrate it would get lost and never be heard from again.
Well, anyway, to make a long story short, fast forward 100 years. Along came a handsome prince from the House of Waxman. Prince Henry was his name. Everyone called him "Handsome Henry".
Bending over, Henry planted a big wet one on the princesses' lips. At this time, she opened her eyes and.....
With that, Handsome Henry walked away in disappointment.
Sleeping Beauty reset her alarm clock for the next 100 years and went back to sleep.
"Next time send someone better, will ya?"
That was almost 4 years ago. To this day, the evil fairy has not become queen, the Cubs have not won a world series, and that forest keeps getting denser and denser.
Hey kids! Stay tuned for the sequel when Anthony Weiner shows up to kiss the Sleeping Beauty.