As you know, today is the Winter Event, so we have no regular programming because our "anchors" are off. However, we are going to take you to Rikers Island for a special edition of "Lock-up", where our famous "anchors" are all gathered together to give you a special greeting.
"Boy did I get a raw deal. I was in this public bathroom standing at the urinal. The guy standing next to me looked just like Barack Obama. So's I told him, 'You know, you make my leg tingle'. Turns out he was an undercover vice cop. Boom! Next thing I know, here I am."
"Talk about a raw deal! I get stopped by this copper for a chickensh--- speeding ticket. So's I give him one of my "special comments", and boom! Here I am."
"I was in this bar, ya see. I had a few shooters, got a little "fired up", went out and robbed a convenience store of some butter and eggs, and next thing I know-here I am!"
"Talk about a raw deal! All I did was get mad at Alan Grayson and tell him off on my show. Then he writes a letter to Eric Holder and boom! Here I am."
"Talk about a raw deal! I'm walking down the street in Washington on my way to interview some liberal Democrat. Next thing I know some Treasury agent tries to arrest me for impersonating the Secretary of the Treasury. I says, ' Do I look like the Secretary of the Treasury to you?'. Then he shows me a picture of Tim Geithner. So's I copped a plea and here I am."
Well, anyway, even though our heroes can't be here today, they all want to send you their special holiday greetings. (Chris Hayes will be filling in all 5 hours until further notice. That should do wonders for our ratings.)
"Happy Winter Event, everybody!" (Hat tip to whoever created the above monstrosity)