Monday, February 23, 2009
The Oscars-Narcissism and Rhodesians
"Hey, here's a star arriving now!"
"Fousesquawk, over here!"
(Tip of the hat to Hardrockhaven.com)
I wasn't going to watch the Oscars last night. I usually don't. As it was, I ended up watching the last couple of hours simply because there wasn't much else going on. I had gone out for Pollo Loco and finished off a bottle of wine with dinner. The blog was slow, so I figured what the hell. Might as well see who makes the biggest ass out of him/her self this year.
First the compliments: It was nice to see Jerry Lewis, who has been in ill health for many years, receive recognition for his humanitarian work. I also thought it was nice to see the Indian film industry (Bollywood) get attention with the movie, Slum Dog Millionaire (which I haven't seen yet. In fact, I haven't seen any other movies and probably won't.) And how about those hot Indian babes? (I know. I'm a sexist. Save the cards and letters.)
By the way, I heard a few references to Mumbai. If anyone mentioned the slaughter that took place there, it must have been in the first hour when I wasn't watching.
Now the bad news. As always, it was an exercise in narcissism and mutual ass-kissing playing to the monumental egos of the "stars". Thank God I missed the pre-Oscars with all those boobs prancing into the theatre and showing off what they were wearing. Angelina Jolie was wearing huge emeralds probably stolen from some temple in the jungles of South America, while some babe named Jenny Beer or something like that was outfitted in a shower curtain. I always get a kick out of watching the close-up audience shots of some star listening with rapt attention to whoever has the mike and is giving one of those "save the world" speeches. Jolie was doing that while making sure we all saw that obscene emerald on her hand matching the obscene ones hanging on her ears.
I was also dumbfounded by all the Rhodesians who were either receiving awards or handing them out. (I can always tell a Rhodesian by the accent.) Every five minutes there was another Rhodesian who had forgotten to comb his hair on the stage. Even the producers of Slum Dog were Rhodesians. They're taking over, I tell you. Where is Robert Mugabe when we need him? Of course, a lot of what I call the *Mox Nix awards went to mostly Rhodesians. Award for best cinematography? A Rhodesian. Best documentary? A Rhodesian. Best actress? A Rhodesian. Best grip? A Rhodesian. Even the MC, some guy named Jack Hughes or something like that, was a bloody Rhodesian. I missed who got best supporting actress, but I bet it was some Rhodesian.
I'll tell you another low point-which usually is done well-but not this year. The list of those who passed on. This year, the names and photos passed so quickly, and the lettering was so small, it was hard to keep up. Of course, Charlton Heston's name got little or no applause. (He was a conservative, you know.)
As for who made the biggest jerk out of himself (at least in the part I watched), it had to be none other than Sean Penn (who I wish were Rhodesian). He got best actor for his portrayal of Harvey Milk. Of course, Penn used his soapbox to tell us about some hateful signs he saw when he arrived (about what I have no idea). Then the man who cozies up to Hugo Chavez told those of us who voted against Proposition 8 that we "would stand in shame before our grandchildren".
Second place would have to go to Bill Maher (also a jerk), who just had to take a shot at believers with his reference to "silly Gods who cost us greatly."
So the 181st Oscars is in the books-"one for the ages" as they say in Hollywood. Somewhere Cary Grant is rolling in his grave.
Say....wasn't he a Rhodesian?
* Mox Nix- a bastardization of macht nichts-in German meaning something that doesn't matter.